Laurie Swanson Blog

Are You In a Bad Boy Career Relationship

When I was in college I dated a bad boy.
He drove a fast, black sports car…with a stick shift!

He had been in a few scuffles with the law-like Sean Penn in Bad Boys without the killing.

He was missing a finger due to a homemade fireworks incident gone wrong-awesome.   

He tattooed my initials on his hand-yep, I was that girl!
I was crazy about him. He was exciting, up for anything and he was TOTALLY wrong for me.
I did not want to see the truth of the relationship and there was no way anyone could tell me differently.  There were times, when I was by myself, when I would acknowledge that I was not happy.

I felt depleted and I did not fully trust him.

Our values were not always aligned.

I knew that I should end it.

I just could not seem to do what I knew needed to do. 
Then, out of the blue, he broke up with me, with no explanation, and I was having none of that. I pursued him. I hung with his friends in hopes of seeing him. I drove past his house…a lot (can you say stalker.)  I called, wrote notes and stopped by his parents to “chat”.

I was obsessed with convincing him he had made a big mistake and we should get back together. Except, he was not responding at all.  Crickets. Ghosted. Radio silent.

I could not get an answer from him or anyone about why he broke up and this was crazy making. This made me hold on even tighter.  
After a couple weeks of this craziness I woke up one morning and felt drained.  I did not have any energy, I did not want to get out of bed and I wondered if I was experiencing depression.


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How I was feeling took me by surprise.

I am resilient.

I figure things out.

I do not rely on others to solve my problems.

Yet, something told me this was different.

I dragged myself out of bed and found my mom and I told her that maybe I should see someone.  My mom did not ask any questions.  She did not judge or get all, “I told you so” on me.  She just got me the number of a therapist she knew.  (By the way-thanks mom-I know I do not say that enough).

I called and made an appointment for that same day.  I had one session and my life was changed forever.

Talking To Someone Helps

I told the therapist everything.

The good, the bad and the ugly (play Sergio Leone whistle here and call it Sounds Effects.)

He listened and then did something unexpected. He did not offer a solution to my problem or deep, sage advice.

He simply acknowledged me.

He said something like, “You have so much to offer. You are smart, funny, creative, self-aware, and compassionate. This guy is a fool if he does not see that.”

That was it but that was all I needed.  I felt like me again.

The Phone Call I Had Been Waiting For

I am not lying when I tell you that within in 10 minutes of coming home from that appointment the phone rang.  I knew it would be my bad boy even before I picked it up.

He apologized. He was so sorry. He was crying. He had made a mistake. He was not sure what was going on with him but he wanted to come over. He wanted to make things right.

As I listened I noticed what I was feeling…. NOTHING.

I had moved on.

I was DONE! 


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